Okay, what the hell’s up with the Bachelorette?

Yeah, yeah, I know. Y’all are probably looking down your noses at me just for posting this. But, let me just inform you–I don’t have cable. Remember the PSAs warning “if you don’t have a digitally-tuned TV by February 2009, you may be affected by this change?” Well, hubby and I were affected by the change. One digital converter box later, we are still happily ensconsed in our luddite ways. Hey, it’s free. And generally, we agree about what to watch without the scourge of choice. So I admit it–I watch the Bachelor, the Bachelorette, and any permutation of the aforementioned franchise.

So, naturally, this douche-o-riffic guy named Bentley is her favorite. Bentley. I dunno. People have got so trashy lately, that children named after cars may be the norm after awhile. But a dude who’s pushing thirty? Um, red flag! As if to prove my point, he’s bragging to the camera how he’s not into her at all, and is just using the show for his own nefarious gain! What are the chances?

So, two freakin’ episodes after Bentley “came clean” and broke her heart… and she’s STILL hung up on the guy! Seriously, she talks about him enough that I feel like I need to start a drinking game–a shot every time she mentions his name. Except I’d end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.

The problem is, she still hasn’t had “closure.” Yeah. I know. She’s all “but I love him…” while he’s like “dude, she is not that hot.” I feel cheapened even typing this. But, do we cringe because it’s true? Because it reminds us of the times we’ve behaved similarly (though possibly not with a network tv tie in and/or guy with a car name)?

If I ever encountered this in fiction, I don’t think I could stomach it. I’d be screaming “YOU HAVE ALL THESE DUDES TRYING TO GET YOU! THAT GUY IS A DOUCHE! GET OVER YOURSELF AND SAVE US ALL SOME TIME!”

I don’t think I’m alone in this. So in fiction, readers love conflict–but is this type of conflict beyond the pale? But are there any stories where this pays off believably? I’m really not sure.

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Gratuitous, retro man-candy!

Fellow blogger Diane Vallere http://www.dianevallere.blogspot.com/  calls these time machine crushes. I love the term, and it gives a name to my disease. Ah, the time machine crush: it doesn’t matter if these men are senior citizens, raging addicts, married, or even dead. The time machine crush is eternal, unsullied by the downer that is “real life.” Bring on the obscure, bring on the mod suits, the crazy hair, and oh, yes–the TMC staple–the Tight Pants! I could make a whole satellite blog on this subject alone….ahem.  I swear I wasn’t this bad before YouTube. Anyhoo, here’s my short list:

  • Bowie, Ziggy Stardust era. Of course he’s the super-influential musical genius and style icon, but he also originated the mullet while wearing a leotard. That alone should get him on anyone’s list. 
  • Donovan, sweet folk boy. Catch the Wind is a total tear-jerker.
  • Eric Burdon, mid-sixties. Oh, I’ll bring it on home to you, Eric–any time!!
  • Bernard Sumner. I was twelve when I first heard New Order and it changed my life. Then I saw what Barney looked like–’nuff’ said. This gig is the Holy Grail of  time machine goodness!
  • This one’s a little more obscure–A Certain Ratio. Simon Topping’s the singer–he even sounds yummy.
  • Phil Lynott and Gary Moore–best buddies, so lovable with the hair, the expressions, the costume changes, and tight pants ahoy!

I could go on, but you get the idea–and I’m thinking this will be a series. So what are yours?